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Guided meditations can also be helpful here. It sometimes helps to imagine what you would say to a friend or another LGBTQ+ person facing similar challenges. Give yourself a hug, make yourself a cup of tea, speak encouragingly rather than critically to yourself. Pause and be kind to yourself – be the Nick to your Charlie. We often respond to these difficult points by pushing harder and telling ourselves to “get it together.”
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Life can be hard and full of disappointments. Research consistently shows that connecting with other LGBTQ+ people increases resilience, but there are lots of other things Heartstopper could inspire you to do: prioritize your friendships (like Tao), make new queer connections (like Elle), be honest with those closest to you (like Nick), or try new things (like Charlie). While the chance of a queer high school romance has passed for many of us, we can still make choices that move us towards the life we want today. Hayes puts it, “we hurt where we care.” The site of our greatest pain is the site of our greatest purpose, and we can use it to guide actions that matter deeply to us.Įxamine what you’ve responded to most strongly in Heartstopper. The Great Debaters (2007) PG-13 126 min Biography, Drama, Romance. Jackson, Ed Harris, Eva Mendes, Luis Guzmán. As influential clinical psychologist Steven C. A former cop who now earns a wage as a crime scene cleaner unknowingly participates in a cover-up at his latest job. If it isn’t always helpful to run from our pain, what are we supposed to do with it? There’s useful information in painful feelings. While there’s nothing wrong with wine or casual sex, they often mask problems rather than offer solutions. Trying to avoid their sadness that they don’t have a Nick to their Charlie, they’ve found themselves chasing unavailable partners, pouring an extra glass of wine, or pursuing casual sex and feeling even more alone. I’ve spoken to people who’ve tried to cope with the pain thrown up by Heartstopper in counterproductive ways. This can be especially challenging for LGBTQ+ people, who often had to push down or avoid their feelings to navigate adolescence. However, we have a habit of doing this in ways that minimize short-term pain, while maximizing long-term problems. Don’t run from itĪs humans, we’ve evolved to avoid suffering. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking the sadness cancels out the joy: notice and allow everything that you’re feeling. The experience of watching Heartstopper and feeling both joy for the characters and sadness for yourself is also a dialectic. What can those of us who feel pain in the face of this heartwarming depiction of queer joy do to navigate these difficult thoughts and feelings? Psychological research has a few suggestions. The show seems to plant a seed that makes them wonder how life might have played out if their high school experience was supportive rather than frightening. The same pain is being described by people approaching middle age and those still in their teens. The cumulative negative effects of these threatening social conditions can ultimately lead to isolation, depression, and anxiety.Īs a clinical psychologist working in LGBTQ+ mental health, Heartstopper has come up frequently in counseling sessions.
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Researchers call this phenomenon minority stress. So happy for the younger generations to have this representation, but also forever sad for my adolescent self knowing what I went through and still living with the repercussions of it- Jonathan Newman May 19, 2022
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